Designated Drivers
by moonswirl
Summary: Gleekathon, days 586-588: Finn and Kurt, sober voices of reason, call the party's end... now to get everyone home...
1. Booze Cruise

_Started my daily ficlets to make the hiatus pass, then decided to keep going with a 2nd cycle, and then a 3rd, 4th, etc through 27th cycle. Now cycle 28!_

_**A/N:** Okay, so at the moment I'm slowly starting to plot out the next maybe three or so cycles, which is at least 63 new stories, and before I do this I wanted to ask you guys if you had anything you'd wish to see written, suggestions... Also, what would really help, if you have ideas for concepts for sets (like I've done the alphabet (twice), colors, sins and virtues, episode titles, etc), let me hear 'em! (via private message, if possible!) Thanks :) - **UPDATE! I'm going to be planning the next five cycles, which will take me through to September. So if you have ideas/wishes/anything, now is the time to speak up! :)**_

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><p><strong>"Designated Drivers"<br>1. Booze Cruise  
>New Directions <strong>

Finn and Kurt had all but agreed on the fact that not only were they going to be in charge, as the only two who weren't drinking, to get everyone home safely, but they had another task. They could tell everyone else was drunk beyond reason at this point, but so far nothing but a lot of yelling, crying, and laughing had happened. The moment this changed though, then it would be up to them to call the party's time of death and get everyone packed in one of two cars and ready to be taken home.

Maybe it was the drunken haze messing with their minds, but they would remember the almost cartoon-like feeling of something flying overhead before they looked to the side. There, lodged on the wall, was a pink polka dotted bra. There was also a sudden burst of sound, and they knew even before they saw the blonde running along that the party was over.

Finn took off his shirt, revealing the t-shirt underneath, and chased after Brittany so she would put it on with some of her dignity left intact. Of course she saw the chase as a game and just kept going for a while before he somehow got the shirt on her. She just went on laughing like nothing happened.

"Okay, time to go home!" Finn called over the music. "Everyone! Party's over!" All he got was some cross-eyed drunken looks and laughs. "Rachel, say the party's over," he turned to their teetering hostess. She frowned at him, tilting her head.

"Wha-why?" she asked.

"Please, Rachel."

"Now who's the needy one?" she pointed her finger, squished his nose with a laugh. But then, "Fine… Fine, fine," she patted his cheek at each 'fine,' then twisted her head back and called, "Party's over!" She turned her head back and called, "Party's over!" She turned back to him. "Happy?" she almost looked like she'd tried to curtsie… and failed halfway.

Now that their tipsy crew was starting to cooperate, Kurt and Finn had quickly decided how to split things. Kurt escorted Blaine, Sam, Santana, Mercedes, Tina, and Mike, like a cackling conga line. This left Finn with Rachel, who he didn't want to leave behind on her own, Puck, Lauren, Quinn, Brittany, and Artie. The first and probably biggest issue was no doubt having to get Artie out of that basement and into the car. It wasn't so much the fact that he'd have to carry him out that was the problem. It was that since Brittany's streak show he hadn't stopped singing some unintelligible song in a high pitched voice which now found itself pressing into his ear as he carried the guy up the stairs. He could barely hear the rest of them trudging up behind him, though he could hear Puck dragging the wheelchair up.

It was going to be a packed ride, and Finn was just thankful he'd gotten the chair to fit in the trunk. Lauren took the front passenger seat and, when the backseat would find itself already loaded, Rachel would invoke her small stature and squeeze herself in between Finn and Lauren. In the back, it became that Brittany sat in between Puck and Quinn, while Artie laid in all their laps, still singing his song, which remained unidentified. Now they were all set, so off they went. The first stop would be Quinn's, which would at least get Artie a proper seat. The way he saw it, that couldn't arrive a moment too soon. He could see her in the back, throwing daggers around with her eyes… She got kind of scary when she was drunk. He tried to think of some words to try and tell her, to calm her down, but he knew any attempts would only put more gas on the flame. So he kept his hands on the steering wheel and focused as best he could, as everyone else had decided to join their voices to Artie's, and it only got more hectic… He didn't know how they were supposed to follow along to 'lyrics' when he couldn't tell what the song was.

When they got to the Fabray home, Finn got out and helped Quinn to get out and Artie to take her place. He turned back to Quinn, who just stood there staring into nowhere. "Hey," he took her arm, and she looked back at him. "Are you going to be okay?" he asked, and he wasn't sure if she was actually smiling or if she was putting it on for his sake.

"Oh, yeah…" she told him, trailing off toward the house. He watched her go, waited until she'd closed the door behind herself, and then he got back in the car. Artie had stopped singing now, and he saw why… he'd fallen asleep with his head buried in his girlfriend's arms. She looked close to drifting off herself, resting her head on his. Puck, for his part, seemed bent on riling up the girls in the front seat… Good thing he was next on the drop off. When they got to the curb, Finn had to get out to go insist Puck got out as well. He didn't look too bothered by it, just went on his way home… one less hurdle. He tried to convince one of the girls up front to go in the backseat, but then Rachel just pointed and he saw that, in the space vacated by Puck, Artie and Brittany just laid there snoozing along.

"Fine, Lauren, you're next, right?" He vaguely remembered her telling them where she lived once, and once she confirmed it, they were off. Of the least likely things he'd have expected on that day, having Rachel and Lauren harmonizing something that sounded very lullaby-like toward the pair in the back was probably high up there.

"You know what, Berry?" Lauren paused so suddenly that Finn startled. "I used to think your dress there was kind of the biggest mess I'd ever seen, but I think it's growing on me… Reminds me of my Nana…" she went on, and Rachel beamed.

"Thank you!" she patted her arm, then frowned, like she was trying to figure out why a tiny bell had gone off in her head, like she'd been insulted and she'd missed it.

"There it is," Finn spoke then, as he spotted the house. "That's right, right?" he asked, and Lauren craned her neck to see.

"That's the one! Alright, party people. Catch you later," she got out of the car, zigzagging to the house. Once again, he waited until she was inside, though right before that happened, Rachel had to get in a loud and sleep-disturbing…

"GOODBYE!" she waved, then jumped when Artie and Brittany re-emerged, confused and generally disoriented. "Oh, good, you're up!" Rachel beamed, turning to look at them as she moved to the passenger seat proper. "We need some music!" she declared. Finn braced himself… halfway there.

TO BE CONTINUED (TOMORROW)

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><p><strong>AN: This is a one-shot ficlet, which means that signing up for story alert will not bring you any alerts.  
><strong>**In the event of a sequel, the story will be separate from this one. And as chapter stories go, they are  
><strong>**********always clearly indicated as such [ex: "Days 204-210" in the summary] Thank you!**********


	2. Tipsy Taxi

_A/N: Middle chapter! :) Conclusion tomorrow!_

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><p><strong>"Designated Drivers"<br>2. Tipsy Taxi**

Though the volume still made him cringe, Finn had to admit there was improvement in that he could at least make out the fact that Rachel, Artie, and Brittany were belting and hollering their way through Tik Tok. He had to join in, as his silence was met with prodding and protest. As soon as they'd see he was singing, they forgot him and got back to it, as feverishly as ever.

Artie was the next drop off, and it was then that Brittany reminded Finn of his Aunt Sheila's old dog, who would go into hysterics as soon as he understood or even believed that Sheila was about to leave him behind. Suddenly she was holding on to Artie's arm and she didn't look willing to let him go. When they got to his house and Finn opened the door after getting the chair from the trunk, he found them in a tight embrace, like it would be their last kiss. Rachel was in the front, holding on to the seat with her face buried in it to stifle a laugh. Once he finally got Artie to cooperate and get in his chair, Brittany got the window open, hanging out of it so she could clasp his hands again.

"Don't go," she begged. "Let's get pizza!"

"Oh, driver, the lady wants pizza!" Artie's arm – and voice – shot high, laughing.

"You can have some later," Finn told him, pushing his chair toward the house. "That's if your parents don't ground you for a year when you come in like this."

"But I'm such a responsible drinker," Artie mumbled.

"Who's wearing his girlfriend's shirt, Finn pointed out, and Artie looked at himself. "Let me just get that," he helped him out of it.

"Give this to her, along with my regards," Artie proclaimed before shouting to the night air, "Good night, good NIGHT, you're my girl!"

"Night, Artie!" Brittany hollered back, and at the noise that followed, Finn could imagine she'd nearly fallen out the car window. He looked to find Rachel was helping her back inside. Once he got Artie inside the house, he saw Rachel had transferred to the backseat, side by side with Brittany, who now appeared to be teaching her cheers. He just had her to drop off now, and then well…

Before they could leave, Finn stayed outside the car while Rachel assisted in getting Brittany back in her own shirt. He realized they'd forgotten the bra at Rachel's, so this was the best they could do. Once this was sorted out, he got back into the driver's seat, the cheers resumed, and they were on their way. The ride wasn't too long, and here as well he made certain Brittany was inside before he'd drive off. Now this did leave just him and Rachel in the car as they made it all the way back to her house. She was silent, as he could sort of expect, after how he'd had to set her straight, back at the party. He hoped she understood this didn't mean he didn't care for her at all anymore. The fact that he wanted her to come while he dropped off everyone rather than leaving her alone… it had to mean something, right?

When they got back to her house, he stopped the car, and… silence. "I can stay with you, if… I mean, then you wouldn't have to stay all on your own and…"

"I can take care of myself," she told him, not bitter, but still clearly a bit wounded. "That's what you want, right?"

"Rachel…" he shook his head.

"Thanks for coming, thanks for driving us… I'll see you at school," she told him before getting out of the car. He watched her go, knowing he had to stay, not go after her. Still, he waited until she was inside, and until he saw the lights come on in her room. He'd done his part, and he knew Kurt was doing his, too.

Kurt wasn't exactly having a quiet time on his own either. Just because they'd called an end to the party didn't mean the others were going to listen. As soon as they got out on the street, the mission was clear: the couples wanted to sit together. Mike and Tina were the first to fly by, diving into the backseat. Sam looked back to Santana, who just stopped, and stared, and…

"Why are you… are you… What's so funny?"

"What?" she asked.

"You don't see it?" he pointed at her face, smirking. "You've got the giggles."

"I don't know what you're talking about," she giggled and caught herself, which made him smirk in victory, but then he jumped into the backseat with the others, holding his hand out.

"Get in!" he indicated his lap.

"Oh, I know what this is about now, nice try," she shook her head.

"Get in!" Sam, Mike and Tina pointed behind her and she saw now the others were coming, and they were angling for the back so not to be squeezed up front.

"Work on your signals!" Santana told Sam before hopping in, finding herself sitting halfway on Sam's and Mike's laps. "I've seen worse," she appraised.

"Hands to yourself, Giggles," Tina warned from the other side.

"Oh, come on, I'm not giggling," Santana rolled her eyes, giggling.

"You're doing it now!" Tina accused.

"Better that than the crying," Sam shook his head, and got smacked in his good shoulder for his troubles. "Hey!"

"Yeah, didn't Brittany say she wanted to try and cheer y…" Mike started, and now he was the one to get smacked, getting Tina's elbow in his side. "Ow! Why'd you do that?"

"Shut up," she muttered. Luckily they were rescued as the others pushed into the front seat.

"Mercedes, I think Blaine should sit in the middle," Kurt told her as she was crawling in ahead of the Warbler, who was busy waving at the four in the back.

"Why, he's not your boyfriend, and I was your girlfriend for about half a second, so I've got seniority," she declared. Sparing himself the possibility Blaine could hear her calling him his boyfriend and seeing his cheeks flush again, he didn't argue. Once the backseat cleared up a bit he could always make her head back there. "Blaine, quit waving and get in!" Mercedes called to him. Now all seven of them were accounted for, so they were off. The way he'd laid out the plan, the first one to get dropped off would be Santana "Giggles" Lopez. Much like with Finn's lot, this car soon burst with loud cacophonous singing. If any of them led to some kind of incident which would damage this car and get him in trouble with his father… He focused on the road, and not on the noise, not on Blaine on the other side of Mercedes. Finally they pulled up to Santana's house, she pushed the car door open, hanging off into the night air.

"Welcome to Lima Heights! Adjacent!" she shouted before Kurt could run around and stop her.

"Alright, let's take it easy," he gave her a nod.

"Oh, relax, it's not like that," she shook her head.

"Yeah, alright, well let's just get you home, alright?" he didn't listen, just leading her to the door.

"Okay, fine. Real shame we didn't get some booze in you," she pinched his cheek.

"Please don't do that," he pulled his face out of her grasp. "You good from here?" he asked her, imagining things like he'd turn and find the car peeling away with one of those who did have 'some booze' in them at the wheel.

"Peachy, I'm peachy… like a peach…"

"Yeah, okay, good night," he started back for the car. He heard the front door open and shut just as he got back in the driver's seat. "That's one down. Sam, you're next."

"Right, about that," he leaned in from the backseat, with just a thread of clarity in him. Kurt had way more clarity in him, and he was way ahead of Sam.

"Don't worry about it," he looked back at him. "I know where I have to go," he nodded, hoping Sam understood; he did. This had created a bit of a lull in the singing activities, which both Tina and Mercedes were quick to reinstate, keeping the party going until they reached their next destination.

Kurt pulled the car to a stop as he reached his destination. He figured it was a good thing they were all drunk out of their minds; they wouldn't question or possibly remember this. He hadn't dropped Sam in front of the motel, just at the nearest residential looking place near the motel. As he got out from the backseat, Kurt leaned out the window.

"Text me when you get there!" he called after him, and Sam waved back in response. He would have waited to see he'd made it inside, except then maybe it would have brought those questions they'd managed to sidestep so far.

"Mercedes, come back here!" Tina called to her friend from the back, which now only contained her and Mike.

"Yes, Mercedes, go back there," Kurt agreed. He wasn't about to complain about having just Blaine up front with him as they made the next drop offs…

_TO BE CONCLUDED (TOMORROW)_


	3. Cooler Car

_ETA: It's a little after 4:30am, I can't sleep, so here's the last chapter of this story a few hours earlier ;)_

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><p><strong>"Designated Drivers"<br>3. Cooler Car**

Once Blaine had gotten out of the car – and nearly fallen on his face - Mercedes was able to climb out and get in the back with Mike and Tina, who had climbed over her boyfriend to land in the middle, next to her friend. Mercedes immediately leaned in to whisper something to her, and the happy drunks went back on their merry cackling way, while Blaine got back in the car and closed the door. Kurt counted off his passengers, still imagining he'd turn around at some point and discover one of them had wandered off and something would happen and he would be in trouble and… No, they were all there…

The first one to be dropped off was Mercedes, too busy laughing about nothing and everything to even realize they had arrived at her house. "Okay, now everyone just be real quiet, because they can't know I'm drunk," she shook her head, looking to all of them.

"I won't tell them," Blaine mumbled.

"Thanks, Warbler guy," Mercedes patted his hand

"And as long as they don't see or hear you then you might have some kind of chance that they won't notice…" Kurt deadpanned as he opened the door for her.

"Which is why we're going to be… very… quiet," she whispered.

"Yeah, alright, come on," he guided her up to the door. "Go to bed, take it easy, and call me in the morning," he instructed her.

"Yes, Doctor," she told him, which got her laughing again. Kurt plastered his hand over her mouth and pointed his finger.

"No… no," he told her, and she shook her head.

"Sorry," she whispered when he pulled his hand back. He helped her get the door open before she scratched up the lock too much trying to find the hole and then he made sure the door was good and closed before he could head back to the car. While he was gone, it seemed Tina and Blaine had taken up a frontseat/backseat game of patty cake, which Mike followed with great intent.

"What's it like in your world?" Kurt sighed, watching them as he got back in the driver's seat. It wasn't as though he was that interested to get drunk off his head, but it did look like they were all having fun right then, and he couldn't participate. At the very least it afforded him the chance to watch Blaine with all the abandon he'd kept himself from giving in to, for fear he'd catch on to how he felt… There was nothing he wanted less than to end up telling him things he wanted and had to tell him when in all likelihood he wouldn't remember them in the morning.

"I should sneak you in," Tina stared up at Mike sitting next to her. "Hide you under my bed."

"Okay," he just nodded.

"No… no," Kurt found himself saying, again, and now he imagined himself like some kind of parrot, repeating, and repeating, and denying them everything they asked for… As much as he respected the need for someone able to drive them back, it didn't mean he had to like playing pooper to everyone's party, something he considered as he caught the double Asian glare in the rear view mirror. "Okay, Mike, you're up!" he spoke when he thankfully saw they were nearing his house. Kurt watched him, once he'd managed to let go of Tina and gotten out of the car, as he made his way up the path to his house, zigzagging along. "Watch it!" Kurt called after him. "If he breaks something Rachel's going to kill me for tanking Regionals," he spoke to himself.

"Hey, come on, you gotta cheer up, Kurt," Blaine shook his head at him, and he put on a smile for him. "Much better… You should always smile, it looks good on you," he complimented, and now the smile wouldn't go away even if Kurt tried.

"Wait, hang on," Tina spoke up from the back, and Kurt had honestly forgotten she was still there. "Are you going to drive him back all the way to Westerville?" she asked, and Kurt looked back to Blaine.

"Oh…" he realized; there was another thing he'd forgotten. The solution came to him very quickly, and to him this meant that it had to be the right one. "It's fine. He can sleep at my house," he told her.

"Slumber party, awesome," Blaine reacted, and Kurt tried not to make too big a show.

"Oh, sure, you guys can but I can't hide Mike in my room?" Tina frowned.

"Okay, now you're starting to veer into angry drunk territory, let's get you home," Kurt sped up just a little. At least she didn't live too far off from Mike's, so they got there in under five minutes. Once he stopped the car, she scooted her way out, patting at Blaine's hair as she went.

"Bye Bye, Blainy," she called.

"See ya, Tina!" he called back, which cracked the angry drunk bubble and dropped her right back into the happy cackling place she'd been throughout the party. Kurt watched her go until she and her laughs disappeared behind the door. "Well, it looks like it's just you and me," Blaine's head rolled back to look at Kurt, whose heart had flown into frenzy without warning.

"Looks that way. Just promise me you'll be quiet, alright? Don't want to wake up my father or Carole," he begged, and Blaine nodded. "Right…" he breathed out, heading toward his house.

When they arrived, it looked as though Finn hadn't arrived yet. This probably was best… He got Blaine out of the car, leading him into the house. He wasn't sure what he was imagining about the first time he'd have Blaine or, really, any boy in his room, but he supposed this had a bit of a 'not likely to forget it' quality. "I-I… I think I need to sleep," Blaine started, and the novelty shock of having him in his room went right along with having him in his bed, but now there they were. He pulled the covers back, let him lie down. "Thank you, fellow Warbler," he thought he heard him mumble into the pillow. Kurt looked at him lying there for a moment before he had the presence of mind to pull his shoes off his feet, pulled the covers over him… his hand was so close to his face… he could have just reached out and touched his cheek, and…

Maybe it was that he had been waiting to hear it, but somewhere in the distance he heard the door open and close… Finn was home. Right away Kurt stood back up, looked to find Blaine was now asleep, and stepped out of the room. He met his stepbrother in the hall.

"Did everyone get home okay?" Finn asked.

"Everyone," Kurt promised.

"Good…" Finn breathed out. "Are you going to bed now, or we could…"

"Yeah, no, I… I should probably get to bed. Long day tomorrow," he nodded, and after a moment Finn nodded back, too, moving to his room. Kurt was about to go into his room when he heard Finn.

"Tell Blaine I said hi." Kurt let out a breath, but then he closed his eyes… of course.

"Will do."

THE END


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